Negotiating with the monkey.
substitution over severance.
We all have parts of ourselves that feel impossible to break free from. Some people never escape the grasp, and it rots with them.
Drugs, sex, self-doubt, low self-confidence, arrogance - whatever your pain point is, it’ll manifest in your reality until you get to the root issue.
It’s very common for spiritual bypassing to go unnoticed in one’s practice of reality creation or self-development. Look for where you may be avoiding the present moment or ignoring your inner guidance in trade for short-term comforts - like smoking. It may not be a willpower issue, but a nervous system one.
✥ Take the reins
Essentially, spiritual bypassing is when you use your spiritual practice to ‘skip’ the work you have to do in the Here and Now. It’s wishing yourself into another reality without actually undergoing the necessary changes to reflect what you desire.
Everything starts with you. That means action, too.
But by sitting with your problems and the parts of you that you can’t let go of, you can negotiate with them. Think of it like your two brain hemispheres are sitting at a negotiation table. One side of your brain is reactive, one side is responsive. It’s your task to understand and be compassionate to the reactive, animal side of the brain so that you can calm it down and self-regulate.
Your mind isn’t trying to work against you; it’s just doing what it’s hard-wired to do. If your mind can’t let go of something, instead of ripping it away, try giving it alternatives to hold on to.
For example, I’ve been going on sobriety walks (instead of zoot walks) and enjoying how it feels to be fully alert and sober; embellishing this time with extra attention and love, so that the animal part of me feels safe with its new coping strategy. Your ‘monkey brain’ is highly emotional and understands better through feeling.
Take action:
❧ Identify the pattern and follow the trail
❧ Understand/empathise with the root
❧ Negotiate something healthier to hold on to instead
pro tip: For me, eating Pocky has helped the hand-to-mouth fixation for smoking.
We don’t want to rip away its safety- we want to replace it.
☯ You are the parent and the child.
I like to think of my brain as half parent, half child. The reasonable, logical parent is the wise guardian who applies boundaries for the creative child to play and explore freely. There’s a time and a place for each to take the wheel. And it is absolutely necessary to let your inner kid out. That’s the little artist!
It’s easy to demonise the less desirable parts of our individual humanity. But remember, you are the way that you are for a reason. The universe has a curriculum that’s exactly suited to your needs and desires. All you have to do is be willing to trust it.
in-tuition → inner guidance/education.
It’s important to train yourself to turn inwards when you feel impatience and frustration. They are key indicators of a roadblock. Allowing the tension to lead the way only causes more stress. Always lead with curiosity and compassion when tinkering with your mind. It’s a very soft and malleable machine; treat it as such.
What is done can be undone. You are not fucked, you just have a hell of a journey ahead of ya :) Stay strong, my Love.
I’m interested in how you like to work with your monkey. What’s been working for you?
✑ Babz
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My monkey doesn’t like to face the way I feel sometimes. It thinks that I’ll be in a better place eventually, so there’s no point in working on myself in the now.
In fact this is untrue, working on myself in the now is a factor of what will bring me to the best times of my life